I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
