Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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