apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just puked most of my soul out..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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