Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
