New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
