I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
