apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
