I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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