I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
