I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
