Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
bring money and cleavage
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
