I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
