happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
