I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
