I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
