life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
