I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
