I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
