im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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