you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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