Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So much rum. So many feels.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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