My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
