i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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