we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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