life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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