omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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