Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
