I want you more than these girls want KFC
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
