eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
