Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
