So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
