Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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