So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Houston, we have a squirter
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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