allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
