Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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