Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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