If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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