do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
