: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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