We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
