i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
