just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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