i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize