I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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