yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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