Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
