Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
