he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
