and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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