I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
