38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Someone came in the potted fern
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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