Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
