I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
