I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
