i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
