He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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