Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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