how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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