why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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