i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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