So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
