We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
