I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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