woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
