I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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