people are starting to question the shark bite story
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
