At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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