I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
