yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize