The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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