well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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